I have not written anything about my life in a long time so this is an update.
I am alone in this world. I do not really have many friends. I had a best friend six years ago in Hungary, but he showed me that people cannot be trusted. These past six years have been extremely hard for me living in Colorado. I have never been more alone in my life.
I decided to take someone’s advice and walk alone. Everyday for the past three I have walked around the lake and biked. I decided to alternate. The first day it took a little over an hour to make it around the lake. The second day I rode the bike around twice and today I cut my walking time by ten minutes. Maybe I will start running soon.
I am doing this because I heard it is good for PTSD, but I have to say it has not helped yet. I am actually more depressed. I see couples and friends as I go around the lake. It is so depressing. I am angrier and sweatier after exercising. I hate being sweaty.
Also, I see that stupid note in the photo above and I know it is a lie. I do not feel like I matter to anyone for anything. I want to give up. I am tired. I have been abused and used enough for more than one lifetime. I am so angry all the time, but I have to hide. I want to find a new place to live where I can start a whole new life. I would delete Facebook so nobody could find me.