D is for Death

Day 4: “D is for “Death“. Write about your feelings about death.”

Death! I have lived there my whole life. I almost died at birth because I was a blue baby. I stayed that way. Blue. My youngest memory is wishing I was dead or had never been born. I wear it like a chain attached to a prison on a ship in the bowels rowing forever.

I have tried to kill myself a few times. I was unsuccessful, obviously. Or am I actually dead and I do not realise it yet. I took pills twice, but I ended up alive after both attempts. Maybe a part of me did not want to die because I had a small bit of hope hidden in my bowels.

Another problem I see with death is the unknown. Yes, I believe that there is an afterlife. I believe there is a heaven and a hell. I fear that if I kill myself then I will go to hell. I cannot stand heat. I barely survive summer ever year.

I never planned anything for the future. I thought I would die before I reached thirty, but unfortunately that never happened. I am alone now. I never had a family and I never made a best friend.

Death is the only real thing we are all guaranteed in life. It will come for us all eventually. We cannot know the day or time. Although some of do because of suicide and some sort of know because of diseases like cancer.

If you die and we are sort of friends or family, just know that I will not be at your funeral. I do not go to funerals. I prefer to remember you the way we knew each other. I do not need “closure” that some people need, unless you were my best friend and you ghosted me. I do need closure from you.

I guess this is not a happy topic for most, but I cannot wait to the day I am no longer here. I hope to be in heaven. I want to be able to fly in space without a rocket.

Excerpt From: Scott Green. “397 Journal Writing Prompts & Ideas.” Apple Books.

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