F is for Friendship

Day 6: “F is for “Friendship“. What makes a friendship tick?”

If there was a topic that I wanted to avoid today it would be friendship. I don’t ship it. There are so many things that can wrong in a friendship, as with any relationship it takes two people with two different perspectives of seeing the world, with two different histories, with two different goals, with two different love languages, with two different loves, with two different hates, in fact the only things that are same is the desire to be friends and sometimes both people have the same sex.

Personally, I have always made better friendships with girls than boys. I don’t like sports, which many men play together. I like game night over football Sunday. I like to talk through my feelings.

My whole existence has been about friendship. I never had a best friend growing up because I went to two and three schools a year. Everyone already had a best friend by the time I arrived. As I grew older, I wanted a best friend more and more, but eventually it became like rainbow-coloured unicorn. Actually, it became a unicorn, since they don’t exist the colour would not matter at all. I thought of the rainbow coloured unicorn because I bought a rainbow-coloured llama for a five-year-old.

I have had a few friends sprinkled in my life, which could have been close to being best friends, but those friendship did not last. I have had two friends, which were my best friends, but both times something happened. One of them got a girlfriend and she was a bit jealous. The other one ghosted me when I moved to the USA. I had a dream about him last night. I dreamt that I returned to Budapest and we ran into each other and I found out his life had changed.

I am the person who will give myself completely to friends. I will be faithful to our friendship until you cross me. I find it hard to give forgiveness to some people. I am not Jesus. Yet, I feel like I am carry a heavy cross on my shoulders every day. I find to forgive people I have to give to them without expecting back anything, but that is difficult at times.

I just want somebody to love me and I want to feel it. I want to know in my heart it is a real friendship. Unfortunately, I know it does not exist for me.

Excerpt From: Scott Green. “397 Journal Writing Prompts & Ideas.” Apple Books.

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