24 Ghosts

Day 50: 24 – “At 24, what were you doing in your life? Or, if you’re not 24 yet, what are you planning to do or planning to be when you finally reach that age?”

I really hate so many of the age prompts in this book. It seems that the writer was not extremely creative. I would change these prompts into something that gets the creative pear juice flowing. I know it is not pear juice flowing, but I do not like orange juice as much.

I was 24 many years ago. I had just moved to a new city. I left all I had or didn’t have behind and moved on. I often wonder when I am trapped in one of my loops if I would have been happier if I had stayed. I wonder if I would have settled down, bought a house, fallen in love, started a real career, finished college much earlier in life, and done something awesome.

Perhaps in my alternate universe I would have died much younger. I might have done myself in earlier or maybe I would have done drugs until I died. Maybe the local water would have killed me first. I imagine myself dying in so many ways.

I like the idea that I would have fallen in love. We would have moved in together. Just the two of us. And all the ghost of the past dancing in my head. Some are dancing in our bed. I would never be lonely again. Although, you died earlier than I did.

Forget that scenario! I would have been like my mother. The one thing we all try to avoid cannot be avoided. Nobody wants to be like their parents. I am not an exception, but I had great reasons. I would have ended up alone as my mother did. I am alone, but I never had anyone to put the fear of leaving me alone into me. I started alone and I have always been alone. And I will always be alone.

That is what 24 was for me. I was alone and I am still alone. I made a choice somewhere in my life to run away from being like everyone around me. I have always fear letting anyone into my world. I knew I was the only one who could handle the disturbing shadows who followed me into the darkest of nights.

I think there are ghost of the past who follow me throughout life. There is one for each year. One days worth was too many me for me to handle. They each had an hour to torment me my present with the memories of the past. I never slept. The memories never faded.

Excerpt From: Scott Green. “397 Journal Writing Prompts & Ideas.” Apple Books.

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