Day 20: “T is for “Trouble”. When was the last time that you got into trouble?”
Oh wow! A girl in trouble is a temporary thing. Is the first thing I think of when I hear the word trouble. I cannot think of the last time I got in trouble. If it is difficulty kind of trouble, then I have that often. Life is full of difficulties for me.
But I guess the statement wants to know when I got into trouble. I have not been in trouble for a long time. It had to be in the early 90s when I was doing drugs. I used to get into minor trouble, but I never got into trouble with the police.
At a low point in my drug using days I tried to kill myself and I was committed to a place where there was a high fence and I was looked in a room most of the time. I remember there was a guy there who had AIDS and he was trying to bite people. It was a crazy place. I knew I was not crazy and I had tried to talk my way out of there, but I realised that they would not let me out until I convinced them that I did not think death was an option.
Imagine you are depressed and you think death is the way out. It is the only option for you. The doctors or whatever they were did not understand me. I was an accident and I was not supposed to be alive. It should be alright for people to kill themselves. It is a stupid law.
Eventually, I realised that they would not let me out until I convinced them that I was okay. I changed my conversations to match what they wanted to hear. I was realised soon after. It was a hard time in my life. I was so sad. So sad. It hurt inside every day. It still does, but sometimes I have a little break from the pain.
What about you?
Excerpt From: Scott Green. “397 Journal Writing Prompts & Ideas.” Apple Books.